Relationships can be one of the most meaningful and powerful elements in a person’s life. Though some may seem perfect, others may have hidden issues. A new column by Kelly Davis and Shane Rice, “That’s What She Said/That’s What He Said,” will help address these hidden and open dilemmas most of us face in our relationships. We will provide ways and advice on how to add communication, intimacy, and adventure. There are two sides too relationships; with that in mind Kelly and Shane will write from both female and male perspectives. In addition this column will allow readers to ask questions online and seek advice. Most people have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make relationships flourish; allow this column to guide you and your partner.
Kelly Davis - Copy Editor - Shane Rice - News Editor -
By Kelly Davis
- Copy Editor –
Befriending the Ex
Breakups can be dreadful. They can shatter a person’s heart and change their mindset on life. Of course, everyone has to go through them from time to time in order to find their real true love.
After a breakup, there is always the possibility of running into an ex or two. Sometimes, these moments cannot be controlled for there is no place to run or hide. It’s just better to face and tolerate it.
When seeing an ex, just smile and make small talk. Don’t try to impress them by gloating. Be civil. It shows maturity, confidence and self-control.
If the ex is unavoidable and they are around all the time, this can make the situation a bit more complex. Be nice to each other, for everyone should act like adults and not let their emotions get in the way of their daily lives, especially if they work together or live together. However, if this is too heartbreaking, then it’s best to sort out the situation.
Yes, this does require talking to one another, but it will help. Set some ground rules and lay those distressing feelings out on the table. Explain that being around each other hurts; lives should be lived without this kind of torture. Figure out a way for everyone to be happy. This will make each day easier.
Of course, there is really no way to get over an ex aside from distance. Staying away from the ex’s is the best way to get over them and move on to a better tomorrow. Keep in mind, the relationship did not work; they are not the one, so it is time to find a new lover. However, focusing on oneself is an excellent option.
After being away from the ex for a while, the feelings of hatred and anger decrease, and life goes on. It’s easier to see that one person cannot ruin a life, but rather it can make someone grow stronger and realize what they really want in a lover and a spouse. Ex’s are helpful in a way, so to speak. Therefore, it is good to live, love and breakup.
Also, consider the fact that an ex can actually make a really good friend later in life. It’s perfectly normal to remain friends; sometimes an ex can be a better friend than a lover. However, it may not happen right away. When it does, keep in mind that they can be quite helpful. They will be honest and give advice. They will be supportive when new dates appear in the picture. They will be a true friend that cares for you in a different way. Therefore, on the bright side, breakups can actually lead toward new beginnings and new traits of happiness.
So, take a step back from those negative feelings and think about those ex’s. Are they really worth stressing about? It’s OK to say hello and be nice to them when they walk around the corner. It’s also OK to remain close to them for they can actually bring new and better qualities to life.
Be happy, be loving, and remember that an ex is not the worst part of life.
By Shane Rice
- News Editor -
To exes with love
Relationships are delicate situations that can breed pain, love and regret. In a lot of relationships there comes a time to say goodbye and hope that what is taken from the relationship may help in the next.
When couples breakup, it is seldom a mutual agreement, in most circumstances it’s because of constant fighting and incompatibility. But on the other side of the mirror lies memories that have caused tears and laughter, so couples will tell each other, “We will always be friends.”
This fallacious notion really creates more broken promises and issues. In any broken relationship one person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup for weeks or even months. It’s never easy to break up with someone where good times have been shared, (and even if they were bad times, they were still times).
Remaining friends with someone after a damaged relationship is a difficult promise to keep not only because of hostilities but also passionate memories. As hard as it is to except it’s next to impossible to bring a relationship back to a normal state, especially if the couple was intimate. Images of each other naked will always remain and memories of those precious moments can be triggered by a smell or a song that was used to create a special moment.
No matter how tough a person may appear to be the possibility of seeing their past lover with another can create a distance that will make being friends hard. Although this is not true for every single situation it is a majority. A lot depends on what caused the breakup and how severe it was. It’s also important to be sure that remaining friends isn’t an excuse to be around the other person in hopes to find closure on unresolved issues.
Another part to consider in whether remaining friends is a good idea is if it’s being done out of guilt. In some failed relationships the feeling of guilt about what happened in the relationship can make someone feel obligated. As if they owe the other at the very least a friendship and unfortunately these are not healthy reasons to remain friends for either person.
If a person truly wants to remain friends with their ex it should be because they truly like them as a friend and not out of obligation or pity. A person needs to be prepared to work at what may be a hard friendship to solidify. It’s important to know going in that what caused the original attraction may still be there and so may the feelings.
It is always hard to let go of the things that make people happy, and relationships are a great example of this. But trying to maintain a friendship with an ex after a break up can be a tough line to walk. The combination of the past experiences together, coupled with what would have been future plans could make things difficult for one or both of the parties.
Finding friends can be hard and finding a soul mate is even harder but as long as a person stays true to themselves nothing can hurt them.