The road to rock bottom and back up again

Posted on 21 April 2015 by admin

Staff Writer Livie Hall talks about the difficulties she has faced in life

 

By: LIVIE HALLrock bottom
Staff Writer

 

If you look at pictures of me when I was little, you would think I was a happy kid. You would probably think the same thing if you looked at pictures of me now. I still have the same blue eyes and blonde hair. I still have my dad’s smile and my mom’s nose.

But for the past few months of my life, those pictures are a facade. I lost an amazing relationship, a great job, good money and a lot of friends. I have been beyond broke and barely making it. I have had many people abandon me and I pushed the ones that stayed away.

The pressure and unhappiness has been building, and today I broke.

A person can only take so much, and when they are pushed and pushed they explode. I exploded today in my car, in a grocery store parking lot, alone.

No matter what age they are, people have problems. Everyone has hard times and goes through grueling pains in life. We admire the people who come out on top, better than the adversity they faced.

I have had people, books, Pinterest quotes and motivating Facebook videos tell me I was strong. They said everything happens for a reason and the toughest battles are for the strongest soldiers. I laughed at this. Life kept throwing problem after problem at me without giving me time to catch my breath.

I know people that have endured more than I can imagine. From losing their families, to drugs, to finances – everyone has their own story for why they ended up where they did. The reality of the situation is fate, but the mental state is a choice.

T h e people that give up are the ones who give in to their s i tuat i o n s . They accept defeat after a small fight, recede into themselves and carry that dark cloud with them wherever they go.

The ones that make it out alive come out with scars, bruises and blood. They are hard and they are fierce, and that is why they won.

Today, after I allowed myself to cry again, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was sick of seeing this person. Those blue eyes bloodshot from tears and that blonde hair messy from not caring. Looking at my Instagram account, I could not figure out why I let that person turn into the pathetic mess that was driving my car.

I decided I did not care anymore about the things that made me sad. It was all over and my feelings were residual. Time had passed and I could do nothing to fix it. So I took a deep breath, laughed and went home.

Forget about the people that hurt me. Forget about the job I lost and the money I do not have. Forget about the fact I am living at my friend’s house for a week. I am better off without my “friends” and I will do everything I can to get the real ones back.

I can have whatever job I want now, maybe even do something I have never done before. I can tell you eve r y t h i n g about the dollar menu, and I am sorry, but that is pretty useful information. I am cynical, sarcastic and beaten down, but all I can do is laugh.

For whatever reason, sometimes you have to be knocked down.

When that happens, let yourself cry and let yourself break. Break down to your core, until you are in pieces.

When you are totally broken, the only thing you can do is be fixed. No matter what you are going through, you have to work with it to get to a better place.

So when you hit rock bottom, embrace it. You are the only one holding yourself back from vindication. Grit your teeth and dig your heels into the ground. Get angry and get going because you deserve more than the anguish that comes with life’s bad offerings. You have nothing to lose and it is up to you to gain it all back.

When you hit rock bottom, there is no place to go but up.

 

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