That’s What He Said; That’s What She Said: Sexual Fantasies

Posted on 31 March 2011 by admin

Relationships can be one of the most meaningful and powerful elements in a person’s life. Though some may seem perfect, others may have hidden issues. A new column by Kelly Davis and Shane Rice, “That’s What She Said/That’s What He Said,” will help address these hidden and open dilemmas most of us face in our relationships. We will provide ways and advice on how to add communication, intimacy, and adventure. There are two sides too relationships; with that in mind Kelly and Shane will write from both female and male perspectives. In addition this column will allow readers to ask questions online and seek advice. Most people have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make relationships flourish; allow this column to guide you and your partner.

Kelly Davis - Copy Editor - Shane Rice - News Editor -

That’s What She Said

by: Kelly Davis

Sexual fantasies are like wishes. Men and women have many of them and hope that one day, they will come true so they can finally experience the ‘magic.’

All men and women have sexual fantasies, whether they admit it or not. These thoughts and wishes occur because we, as humans, have desires. We long for that certain something that may potentially make our toes curl. We need that sensation of arousal.

We crave this sensation for it can overwhelm the body with emotion, feeling weak, stiff and relaxed at the same time. It is truly mind blowing. Men and women desire moments of this ‘magic,’ for it will only lead to more fantasies and more excitement in the bedroom.

Indeed, not everyone has the same fantasy. Some may desire a night full of passion and intimacy whereas others may want a kinky night of whipping with a leather belt while they are tied up to their bed with ropes and their partner stands astride in a leather jumpsuit. Any way works just as long as the job gets done and every partner is erotically satisfied.

Once men and women have been granted their wishes and they experience the ‘magic,’ they will only beg for more. We want and need to fulfill these desires. However, it is important to remember that not every fantasy should be explored. For instance, a man should not have sex with the married receptionist simply because he had a fantasy about her. It will only lead to drama, divorce and tragedy.

Nonetheless, the thought of keeping the fantasy a secret can actually be quite a turn-on because typically these wishes and desires may be a bit peculiar, such as a woman fantasizing about fondling another woman’s breasts, vulva and clitoris. Desires like this can also influence mystery, creating curiosity for men and women as they think about the unknown.

Fantasies can, in fact enhance the intimacy and passion in the bedroom, or wherever the sexual stimulation takes place. They allow lovers to communicate, explore and grow closer to one another. It also gives men and women the opportunity to try new things and discover new experiences, likes and dislikes, regardless if the wish is unusual or penetrating. Of course, lovers should discuss the fantasies before revealing the ‘magic’ because some men and women may not like exploring certain tactics such as toys, bondage and even spooning.

Men and women need to consider that fantasies can improve his/her well-being. They can experiment, discover, and decide what makes them moan and sigh. It gives them the advantage to try new things and discover a new world of pleasure. Moreover, making wishes come true will only leave them feeling more satisfied.

Now, it is time to think. Think about those wishes. Think about the body’s needs. Take control of those thoughts and enjoy them. Carry out those fantasies for it will give intimacy a new meaning. Explore the ‘magic’ alone or with others. It will be worth it. Fantasies are the best way to enhance imaginations and the body’s true wishes. Men and women deserve this chance to feel the sensational pleasure of ‘magic.’


That’s What He Said

By: Shane Rice


Sexual fantasies are part of the human emotion. Also called an erotic fantasy, they are thoughts with the effect of creating or enhancing sexual feelings. They provide mental imagery that can be either sexually arousing or erotic to any individual.

Fantasies are a normal, healthy part of sex for both men and women in which case many specialists claim a good rich fantasy can lead to better sex. They go hand in hand. When a couple can talk about and really get into their sexual fantasies with each other, it can strengthen their relationship unlike any other way.

However, many people are scared or nervous to discuss their latest sexual fantasy with their partner and for this reason; they have a more stilted sexual experience. It’s not healthy to keep sexual fantasies locked away in locker room of the imagination. It’s important and fun to act out fantasies with each other. It not only builds communication but enables a level of comfort that can further a couple’s relationship.

Sex is much better when each person is relaxed and comfortable.

Although a person’s fantasy can reflect their fetish, or vice-versa, they all stem from deep rooted ideas that may seem creative or obscure. But while some people strive to full-fill their fantasies others remain very content with just the idea or notion that it could be an achievable possibility.

Some of the more common fantasies are as simplistic as threesomes, same sex intimacy or masturbation in an open yet risky location. But on the other side of the spectrum lies the extremists; the ones that mix their reality and fantasy into a pool of lust and blind love.

Being a sexual person of nature, a sexual being created, most people have a fantasy realm of how their sex life and relationships should be. However, few people know that they can control the outcome of their sex lives.

Extreme fantasies are not far in difference from the simplistic. The foundation is still relatively the same, multiple partners, locations and in their case role playing. One of the biggest advantages of a fantasy is the ability to be someone else for a small moment or to be somewhere else even if still at home. There are no limitations to a fantasy; a person’s imagination is the limit.

  • Tabitha Carter

    I don’t know if this article/blog is still being followed by the editors, but again, I would like to share a comment. I would like to give permission (whether you want it or not) to be deleted if you don’t agree with my reference. I am not commenting just to shove an opinion anywhere and everywhere, especially overstepping my welcome mat. But I am intrigued by this article and would like to share my opinion. With that “said”, sexual fantasies used to be taboo. A hush, hush naughty thought process that enable the demons to excercise their rights to a mission style bedroom. It’s more of a tradition to ‘keep quiet’ and not share bedroom stories. Nowadays, sexual fantasies are common tongue. We live in a fast-paced-rather boring-since-we- have-so-much-to-do-world. Anything sexual becomes a trend and in order to stay on top of the trend, sexual fantasies have become the norm and the know how. Taken straight out of a ribboned treasure box and on display for the public to put their twist on it, sex has been exploited. Not to say it’s a bad thing, but it’s up there with all the other exploitations of the new millenium. What used to be forbidden is now permissive and what used to be practical is now ridiculed. Missionary? Are you serious? Where is the fun in that? Of course it’s not fun. Which brings me to talk about sexual fantasies. As stated in the above reference, it’s healthy and common, comfortable within it’s limitations, and agreeable to the couple involved. It heightens awareness, discovers new boundaries, explores new limitations, and gets the dopamine rising. Ahh…dopamine. What is dopamine? For those of you who don’t know this term, refer to dopamine as a brain chemical that is responsible for happiness, pleasure, and addiction. It’s a switch that floats a certain level of happy hormones into your brain, depending on the heightened trigger. Such as sexual fantasies. Now with fantasies, they are thoughts less trained but more amused by your inner desires. It starts by one thought and like an idea, it carries on until it is played out. Such as a desired goal. You get it in your head and you can’t get it out. The only way to get it out is by acting it out. The word fantasy means false, fake, not real. After acting upon a sexual fantasy, it is no longer needed to stay in your head, which is why fantasy is acted out anyways…because it is an impulsive thought tugging on your conscience. Of course I am jumping around in this conversation and pulling at two different subjects. One being that sexual fantasies can cause a rise in dopamine and create an alarming addiction. The second being that everyone has some type of fantasy related to sex and it’s common ground, whether admitted or not. What is needed to be said, however, is that instead of saying yes, do it…I say yes be careful. Sexual fantasies play on the brain chemicals the way any happiness etc plays on the brain. You get used to it, just like the missionary position and eventually it gets boring. Your brain says ‘I can’t even function or get a rise outta this boring crap anymore” because you become immune…like certain bacteria and anti-biotics. You need more stuff, higher dopamine levels. So be cautious when exploring sexual fantasies. Gradually unleash them. Being twenty years old and already playing nurse may fry the brain chemicals into needing stragulation and suffucation by the time you’re forty. Of course we can grin and laugh at this scenario because we aren’t fifty years old and burnt out on sex. (Not that 50 is the common age of being burnt out, but they’ve had to have tried it all, right?) Consider all options and take it slow. Sex is a journey, is a uncharted territorial map and allow sexual fantasies are healthy and increase pleasure…it still needs to be controlled before the chemicals go into over drive.
    I am also curious as to what struck this article/blog. It popped into your head after a personal discussion of sexual fantasy, didn’t it? And it intrigued you into sharing it. Congratulations on the milestone:)

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