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My dearest fellow St. Louisian:
In case you have been living under a rock this summer, or living it up in some other location on holiday, St. Louis is in a minor flux.
Ya'see? Let me take the displeasure of filling you in of what's been going on while you've been away. At the end of June, Chrysler decided to take a swipe at my home town of Fenton by shutting down the Mini Van plant located off of Hwy 44.
The plant wasn't much, but it was ours here in Fenton, and we weren't alone in that claim. 2,400 employees also called it theirs, unfortunately there will be no Tommy Boy moment here - we live in 2008, where the room for sympathy, or cinematic justice, leaves you with that all-to-familiar anti-climatic taste in your mouth.
Fenton's loss of their plant hasn't stopped them from preventing another catastrophe from happening. Fenton's neighbor? Valley Park, but they don't have a fence separating them, rather the Meramec River, which is a fickle mistress, whose ebb and flow dictate the people's annual exodus out of "The Valley" to higher ground.
Fentonians have taken time out to help sandbag, and that's been occurring all over the St. Louis area. Flood season has been bad, destroying people's vehicles, homes and lives. For the first time in a while, St. Louis residents may be rejoicing in the arrival of that oh-so-special St. Louis humidity which may serve to be a deliverance from the flood waters which continue to be a thorn in local's sides.
You'd think this would be enough for the pestilence to stop, but I'd say we're entering a Sodom and Gomorrah type of sin with this next one. I've never been to Belgium, but with each passing day I feel like I'm becoming more and more familiar with how things work over there.
What can a takeover offer consisting of $52 billion get you? An opportunity to overrun one of the most legendary brewing companies this country has ever seen, which just so happens to have their headquarters located here in St. Louis.
Yes, Anheuser-Busch has been flirting with the foreign girl at the party, and is beginning to realize after a one-night stand she's ready to move in, and Adolphus A. Busch IV, uncle of A-B's chief executive August A. Busch IV, apparently has beer-goggles right now, because he's on InBev's hand-selected board of directors. A-B declined InBev's initial offer, but now that InBev has upped the ante, called A-B's bluff and increased their offer, A-B has folded to the tune of $70 a share. You hear that?
That's the sound of the foreign girl not liking the color of the walls in your apartment, and is looking at you with a paintbrush in hand.
The Busch family doesn't just consist of those lucky enough to have "Busch" as their last name. Without the St. Louis populace Eberhard Anheuser and his kids, who apparently suffer from memory-loss regarding the residents who have supported them the most throughout these years, would have a fantastic legacy of manufacturing the best soap this side of the Mississippi.
Could you imagine if a Belgium brewing company tried to overtake brewer Samuel Adams in Boston? Hell, the locals would have InBev CEO Carlos Brito tar and feathered before he could jump ship out of that tea party.
So my St. Louis brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, rally around each other like we've been doing all year, because although it sucks to think about watching the Redbirds play at InBev Stadium, we've got to continue to stick together, whether it's in joy, sorrow, in the streets or the unemployment line, stand strong, because right now, we're all we've got. Well, that and Schlafly, of course.
Lots and lots of Schlafly…
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